As you can see, this shirt is a direct rip-off of the Vote For Pedro t-shirts made famous by the film Napoleon Dynamite. It’s brought to you by Vic Kennett and his company Kerusso, the premier Christian t-shirt sweatshop. (I’ve railed against them before.)
At first I was frustrated. Yet again, the best Christians have to offer is a pathetic pop culture rip-off. But then I had an epiphany. Pedro is Catholic. Well, we assume he’s Catholic because Wikipedia tells us so, and because of all the Catholic images placed throughout his house. He could just have a thing for religious iconography, but we’ll assume it’s genuine faith.
But I digress.
Pedro is a Catholic, the mortal enemy of Protestants. In some Protestant circles, it’s better to tell your parents you’re gay then that you’re converting to Catholicism. Yet here is Kerusso, a Protestant company, claiming that Jesus died for Pedro. It’s a [tacky] olive branch extended across the religious divide.
Don’t let them fool you. Those Kerusso people are tricky. They have seen a future where Protestants and Catholics are free to greet each other in the street, but they know that Protestants will never go for it. Undeterred, Kerusso came up with this subversive piece of attire.
As we speak, thousands of Christian teens are subconsciously putting two and two together. Before you know it, they’ll be talking about confirmation and transubstantiation like they talk about Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton. Christianity will be unified, and no one will realize it’s happening.
Vic Kennett, you are one sneaky bastard. I tip my hat to you.
4 comments:
It's too bad Kerusso doesn't have a liger t-shirt. It's high time Christians threw their support behind cross-species breeding. It may be playing God, but if science can make an animal with magical powers and a mace for a tail then it's A-OK with me.
Just wondering: is this the same company that made the t-shirts that said "My Prince makes rainbows--not purple rain!" in the 80s? 'Cause those were totally rad! Just like Jesus!
Frank has apparently been hanging around the bookstore at Christmastime...
For people who can't get enough of this sort of evangelization-via-proxy, consider the following product, now available in a Christian bookstore near you:
Modest Is Hottest Baby Tee
Now, while your initial response may have been, "Yep, nothing says 'modesty' like a snug, tight-fitting, belly-baring little t-shirt," you would be overlooking the strategy behind this. You see, hormone-driven teen boys - oh, who am I kidding? I mean Men in general - who are compelled to stare at the young woman who opts to wear such a shirt will be unable to resist seeing the slogan in the process, which will in turn trigger an inner debate, throwing the man's world-view into disarray, confronting him with the full extent of his wickedness before the Lord, and convicting him of his need to repent and throw himself at the foot of the Cross. "Why, I don't find modesty 'hot' at all! I've just been staring at a young woman's tantalizingly-presented breasts! Truly, I am a fallen creation..." It's just like being presented with The Law, but in a sexier package!
Ingenious, if you ask me. Now, one may begin to ask whether it makes sense to associate modesty with the explicitly sensual connotation of "hotness", but I would say that you're probably thinking too hard about it.
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