Tuesday, January 10, 2006

So, we're pretty much friends by now, right?

My friend Beth (my inside contact at the Christian bookstore) refused to put this shirt out on the sales floor:

As you can see, this shirt is a direct rip-off of the Vote For Pedro t-shirts made famous by the film Napoleon Dynamite. It’s brought to you by Vic Kennett and his company Kerusso, the premier Christian t-shirt sweatshop. (I’ve railed against them before.)

At first I was frustrated. Yet again, the best Christians have to offer is a pathetic pop culture rip-off. But then I had an epiphany. Pedro is Catholic. Well, we assume he’s Catholic because Wikipedia tells us so, and because of all the Catholic images placed throughout his house. He could just have a thing for religious iconography, but we’ll assume it’s genuine faith.

But I digress.

Pedro is a Catholic, the mortal enemy of Protestants. In some Protestant circles, it’s better to tell your parents you’re gay then that you’re converting to Catholicism. Yet here is Kerusso, a Protestant company, claiming that Jesus died for Pedro. It’s a [tacky] olive branch extended across the religious divide.

Don’t let them fool you. Those Kerusso people are tricky. They have seen a future where Protestants and Catholics are free to greet each other in the street, but they know that Protestants will never go for it. Undeterred, Kerusso came up with this subversive piece of attire.

As we speak, thousands of Christian teens are subconsciously putting two and two together. Before you know it, they’ll be talking about confirmation and transubstantiation like they talk about Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton. Christianity will be unified, and no one will realize it’s happening.

Vic Kennett, you are one sneaky bastard. I tip my hat to you.