Wednesday, November 9, 2005

“And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder…”

I grew up obsessed with end times conspiracy theories. My childhood dreams were filled with the Illuminati, the New World Order and other similar things. The Mark of the Beast (666) was one of the biggest concerns I came across. Everybody was afraid of being forced and/or tricked into getting the mark.

Of course, if you could figure out what the Mark of the Beast would actually be, then you would be able to avoid it. All of the conjecture was centered around the idea that you will not be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast (see Revelation 13:16-18). Depending on who you talked to, that could mean a lot of different things. (Just Google “Mark of the Beast” and you’ll see over 7 million pages devoted to it.)

Most people believed that the mark would appear in stages. There would be a gateway Mark of the Beast, something less oppressive that would dull our conscience, making us easier targets for the Antichrist. One of the most common theories was a fingerprint scanner that would automatically deduct money from your checking account.

It will never happen. There is no way Americans would let anyone have their fingerprints.

The unthinkable has become true.

I was at my local grocery store, when I noticed that they had incorporated Pay By TouchTM technology. All I wanted were some yams. I didn’t realize that I would have to pledge allegiance to the Antichrist to get them. I don’t care how good they are. No yam is worth eternal hellfire and damnation.

Begin the countdown. Armageddon is coming.


SCgirls said...

funny... i can hear your voice all over this post... couldn't find you again after my talk with missy this morning... bummer! will get those sheets from you soon... :(

Ben said...

My prof was busy talking to someone else. I had to wait awhile. I dropped them by the store this afternoon.

To those of you not involved in this conversation, we're talking about material from my Patron [and Matron] Saints for Postmoderns class. You can check out my prof's blog about the class and the related book he is working on at Dead Christians Society.

Bad Alice said...

Oh my, I read some terrible book about just this when I was a kid. I seem to remember cannibalism as part of the story. Thinking these days seems to be that the mark will be one of those "your life on a microchip implanted in you and scannable." I'm sure studies have been done on the intense distrust of both government and technology revealed by all these theories.

Jeffrey said...

I saw this movie called "Thief In The Night" it was this terrible tribulation movie made in the 1970's maybe earlier..? The point is it was about as you can get, like it was laugh out loud funny. I read the first Left Behind book, and I couldn't stop laughing after they gave themselves a "group" name -- what was it...? the tribulation squad or the rapture brigade? something along those lines.

In short most movies about the end of the world just can't live up to what you expect it to be...I mean it's the freakin' end of the world, it's supposed to be gruesome, and slightly horrifying to watch.

Kev said...

If you're still into conspiracies theories. Check out Peering into Darkness.
Conspiracy Theories from Christians.

Alvin Miller said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!


Your jaw will drop!

eschatology,End Times,second coming,rapture,secret rapture,Second Resurrection,Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead,
End of Days,Day of the Lord,Endtime,Judgment Day

NoGood said...

In regareds to the dooms day stuff.
My niece came to visit May 5,1999 and told me that her teacher told her she would die before her 14th birthday. Why I asked. Because the world was going to end on 9/9/99 and I was born in November.
Well after some ranting and raving from Uncle Mike her smile was bright. And she probably told that teacher what I said too.
Ok I need to make this short.
I went to bed mad that night and woke up at 3:23am and wrote down the date 6/6/6666 at 6:06:06am a total of nine 6's and went back to bed feeling better than I ever had in my life at 3:27am.
That feeling carried with me for days, and it was the only dream I had ever had involving Jesus and Angels.
Now I hadn't mentioned it to anyone but family and friends untill later around 2002 because I was affraid of being tossed into a padded room somewhere, but now I'm open about it and if they try to take me away I will just claim " hey it was only a dream "

wkend03 said...

Hello, I know these posts were last year, but I have to tell you that I saw a movie when I was in the 3rd grade at a church here in the town I live in still,anyway I can still see the images of parts of that movie, I am looking for the movie now,with out any luck, it was 1976 or 77 when I saw it, and it perfectly described the 666 theory, I have to say that it scared the crap out of me and I for one will NEVER take that mark!It goes right along with your decription,not able to buy groceries, get medical help,ect..with out the 666 mark on your body, mostly on the forehead!
Does anyone know the name of this movie by chance? I even emailed the church asking ,and never got a reply.If you do know please email me at And possibly the producer???? Thanks