It's All In My Mind

It seems like the Evangelical Christian world is all about finding the next big thing. We never assume that we have it figured out. If it was good enough for the people before us, it must be wrong.

Some friends and I were discussing this and decided we needed to come up with the next big movement in Evangelical Christianity. The idea we came up with is so revolutionary, so forward thinking, that it makes the Emergent church look like a bunch of regressive hacks.

We are going to push for a post-communal understanding of church. Simply put, it is a (re)turn to hyper-individualism. The mega churches of our day are too concerned with entertaining large quantities of people all at once. Being around that many people is a distraction. We need to return to heart of Christianity, because it’s all about me and Jesus.

Everybody wants to have “conversations” these days where they talk about the problems of the church. Nothing makes me laugh more than a bunch of middle-aged, white men drinking half-caff skinny lattes at Starbucks while they discuss the plight of the third world. If our conversations never lead to action, let’s drop the façade.

With a post-communal understanding of Christianity, we finally have a mechanism for taking into account the human condition as it relates to our spirituality. The basic point is this:

I don’t care about you.

It seems harsh, but we all know it’s true. My Christianity is about securing my own happiness – the “good life” if you will. Instead of wasting my time acting like I care about your life, I should be using my energy to grow closer to God. In the end, it is my personal relationship with Christ that really matters. Everything else is just a roadblock to the intimate relationship with him I really desire.

My friends and I are working on some paraphernalia that will help enhance this individualistic growth. Our first product will be the Heavenly Eyes Multimedia Helmet. They are basically recycled Blue Blockers glued to a bike helmet with built-in video screens and an .mp3 player. Now you can custom create the multimedia experience that best enhances your relationship with Jesus. Everything from PowerPoint slides set to rare U2 tracks to videos of dancing rabbits doing the Macarena – whatever it is that brings you closer to God, these glasses provide it.

(Note: Our lawyers would like us to add that any resemblance to the Oakley Thump™ is in fact coincidental. Our product fills a unique niche in the market and performs tasks that are all together different from those of the Oakley Thump™)

This is just the first push in the impending tidal wave of reform that is the post-communal understanding of church. Before you know it, we’ll have books, DVDs, plush toys – all with the express purpose of helping as many people as possible make that (re)turn to hyper-individualism as they seek to grow closer to God.

To The Roof Of The Sky

I don’t know anything about construction. I love watching television shows like This Old House, but when it comes to actually doing construction work, I’m more lost than Jerry Falwell at a gay pride event.

So, I was a bit shocked to find myself two stories in the air straddling a couple of trusses in an attempt to put plywood on a new roof. Some friends from church had decided to turn their 1 story house into a 1½-story house. To save money they had decided to do the work themselves, with the help of their church friends.

From the beginning, the project seemed much larger than it had appeared on paper. Panicked, my friends pleaded for additional help. We responded in force. It was a rag tag group of volunteers to be sure. Among the many volunteers, there was a Ph.D. candidate in history, a graphic designer, and a seminary student (that would be me). If you were to look at us as physical specimens, you would not exactly imagine physical labor as something we’d excel at.

(Speaking of physical specimens, I’m still upset that I was forbidden to remove my shirt for fear that my painfully white chest would blind someone. I care about workplace safety as much as the next guy, but it was bloody hot out there.)

What we lacked in experience, we made up for in spunk. It turned into an old-fashioned barn raising (minus the square dance and flirting with your cousin). This is church at its finest – people coming together to help others out.

After one of the longer days, the academic, the designer and myself were hanging out reminiscing about the day’s events. There is a sense of pride you gain from helping to build something, especially when you know the act of building is helping someone else. Not only had we helped build the top of a house, but we had bonded with each other as well. It was empowering to do something like that.

Not only had I helped a friend out, but I had also learned that if I get too jaded by Christian ministry, I will always have a future in roofing.

Patriotic Worship

This past weekend was Memorial Day, a time when we remember those he gave their lives for our country. These celebrations are important. We should remember those who fought for our country, even when they did not necessarily agree with the politics behind the wars.

However, I did find it odd that a local church had a sign in their lawn advertising “Patriotic Worship” for the Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend. What exactly is patriotic worship? Do we gather round the flag and tell it how much we love it? Do we bow down to larger than life statues of President Bush? “We praise you, O Lord, our President, for giving us life and making us understand that Christianity is best viewed through a political lens.”

This is the problem with American Christianity. Certain groups have decided that Christianity and nationalism must be joined together. Last time I checked, Christianity was never about an individual nation. Of course Crazy Jim Dobson doesn’t believe that (James Dobson’s descent into insanity and mean-spiritedness is a whole other discussion by itself).

I’m not saying people should not be patriotic, although disrespecting the flag by wearing an ugly American flag sweater or painting it on your truck isn’t exactly patriotic. I just wonder if we’ve diluted the Gospel too much by trying to force our political views into it (and yes, I am condemning the liberals like myself as well as the conservatives). We’ve taken a message that is about love, salvation and hope in eternal life and turned it into a weapon to yield political power.

And now we’re singing patriotic worship songs because apparently worshiping God wasn’t cutting edge enough. I just wish Kirk Cameron would come back and rapture us all. Oh wait; is Kirk the one coming back or J.C.? I’ll have to reference my Tim LaHaye Prophecy Study Bible.

The Spirit Moved - And I Slept

A little while ago I had agreed to be part of a Grid Blog that discussed how the Holy Spirit was moving in a variety of Christian communities around the world. We were supposed to post on Pentecost (May 15). If you'll glance through my blog, you'll see no mention of this exercise. I wish had some great excuse, but I basically forgot. My apologies to all those other bloggers who actually fulfilled their word. You can check out the Grid Blog at The Corner.

We Didn't Start The Fire

I knew it had been a long time since my last post, but I didn’t realize it had been almost 2 months. Between work, school and shopping for my first house, I lost track of time. To my loyal fan (that would be you, Jim) I apologize.

Life has been rather stressful recently, and I’ve found myself looking for things to laugh at to relieve the stress. One of my favorite sources of laughter has become the youth group materials that get sent to our church. Record companies and other Christian “ministries” develop these curriculums that integrate whatever they’re selling with a variety of Christian lessons. Sometimes it turns out well; sometimes you just have to wonder what they were thinking.

One of these brochures contained an insert outlining a youth group session aimed at teaching young women the joys of sexual purity. For the warm-up they suggest playing a game called “Burned.” Here is their description [words typed in all-caps appeared that way in the original material]:

“Play BURNED – a form of ‘Musical Chairs.’ Place chairs in a line (or in rows if needed), having one less chair than girls. At one end of the chairs hang red, orange and yellow streamers from the ceiling (about 3-4 feet wide) so they touch the edge of the chair, but still allow someone to sit there. The streamers represent FIRE. For the music, use Out of Eden’s “This is Your Life” CD. Start playing the music. While the music is playing, each girl has to sit in each chair as they move closer to the fire. Anyone left touching the fire when the music stops is BURNED, and they’re out. They take a chair with them and sit to the side, cheering their friends on, encouraging them not to get burned. The last one left wins a white rose.”

I’m all for teaching sexual purity to teenage girls (and boys for that matter), but I have to be a bit disturbed by this game. In the context of the larger lesson, I can only assume this game is meant to imply that if you have premarital sex, you’re going to hell (with the implication that no one will ever love you, especially God).

I know youth ministry is hard. I’m scared to death whenever I help out with our youth group. But I also don’t think we should scare the kids into thinking they’re going to hell if they ever do something that does not fit into our moral/ethical framework.

The Christian life is not about morality motivated by fear. It is about morality motivated by joy that we have become part of something bigger than ourselves. And the best part is that even if we do falter, we have a God who welcomes us home, encourages us to right our wrongs, and loves us even as we are a work in progress.

I’d rather have that than a white rose any day.

Blankets

I just finished reading the graphic novel Blankets by Craig Thompson. This is perhaps the best book I have read in a long time. I was captivated from the beginning; I didn’t want to put it down. (My wife didn’t put it down – she read it in one sitting.) You don’t have to believe me. Time Magazine, Publishers Weekly, The New York Times Book Review (may require registration), and a host of others all rave about this book.

Blankets is a story about obsession, both religious and romantic. You cannot deny the impact Thompson’s upbringing in an ultra-conservative church background has on this story. But Thompson is able to look at that past, and at himself, with true honesty. He does not finger point in the ways many of us wish he would, though his portrayal of people in his church will certainly strike a chord with many of you.* Instead Thompson paints a beautiful portrait that captures your attention from the beginning.

Add this book to the top of your summer reading list. It truly is a work of art.


*If you want to read more of Thompson’s thoughts about his background, among other things, check out his great interview with Jason Dodd from Bandoppler.

I'm A Cherry Ghost

Theologians
They don’t know nothing
About my soul
About my soul

Twice in the last week I have been greeted by these words as I’ve driven onto the seminary campus, listening to my new favorite station 89.3 “The Current” (MPR’s new music station). It’s the opening stanza from “Theologians” off Wilco’s most recent CD A Ghost Is Born. I’ve listened to my own copy of the CD many times, but for some reason this song stuck out to me more when I heard on the radio.

The first time I was going to do research on the Atonement. I was specifically researching ideas (John Calvin’s mostly) of Christ’s descent into hell, as mentioned in the Apostles’ Creed. Not exactly dinner conversation. The second time I was on my way to my Systematic Theology class.

So, as a young theology student I suppose I should be insulted by the claim I know nothing about Jeff Tweedy’s soul. Theology is after all a serious endeavor. It’s humanity’s attempt to make sense of God and our relationship to him (and ultimately our relationship to others, the world and ourselves).

The problem is that I think Jeff Tweedy is right. Theologians don’t seem to know anything about his soul or anyone else’s for that matter. Academic theology has created this world where questions are asked that don’t really apply to most people’s life. And the theologians seem to like it that way.

Let’s be honest, do most people care about the concept of Christ’s descent into hell? No, they may be curious when they read it in the Apostles’ Creed, but it isn’t going to change their life.

Practical theology isn’t any better. You go to most churches in America, and the sermons are basically sanitized morality lessons. There is nothing inherently wrong or heretical with them; they’re just shallow. And the congregation seems to like it that way.

How do you raise the level of spiritual and theological reflection in American churches, and how do you get theologians to address real issues in ways that meet people where they’re at?

Is it too much to ask for deep thinking theology that impacts my life, my world, my reality?

Roll Over, Play Dead

Do you feel distant from God? Do you often look at your dog and wonder, ‘Boy, he seems so content. I bet his relationship with God is going great. I wish I could be more like him.”

If so, I’ve got a book for you: Dog Psalms: Prayers My Dogs Have Taught Me. If you’re like me, when you look at a dog you see a creature obsessed with humping, eating its own feces and inappropriately licking itself in front of company. Luckily for us, author Dr. Herbert Brokering looks at dogs and sees creatures that can teach us how to have a deeper relationship with God.

Still think dogs are filthy creatures completely unsuitable for use as spiritual metaphors, never fear, Dr. Brokering has a companion book, Cat Psalms: Prayers My Cats Have Taught Me. Read prayers written in the voices of different cats as well as prayers “in which the human spirit speaks of its cat-like nature to God.” (Amazon.com Product Info.)

I know on the surface this all sounds a bit crazy. I would never look at household pets and think of ways to better pray to God. But thankfully we have Dr. Brokering to delve below the surface of sane human reason to bring us a deeper picture of our own spirituality as portrayed by our furry friends.

Before you write him off as another burned-out Timothy Leary follower, remember that Dr. Brokering is the “Leonardo DaVinci of the Prairies.” What does that mean? I don’t really know, but it sounds like someone I can trust.

I can’t wait for the third installment, Gerbil Revelations: Lessons My Gerbils Have Taught Me About the Apocalypse (with a forward by Richard Gere).

Thanks to my friend (and former Christian retail coworker) Beth for the product info.

Popsicle Stick Crosses Will Save The World

A couple in my church, Ben and Alexandra Pierre, recently gave birth to their first son, Philippe. All was well until a few weeks into his life it was discovered he had Hydrocephalus. He basically had too much fluid on the brain. Philippe survived, but any developmental damage will only be discovered as he matures.

After some recuperation time, Philippe and his parents returned to church. During the offertory time, the children were brought downstairs so they could be with their parents during communion. As they entered, each one of them was holding a little popsicle stick cross they had made and personally decorated.

As they walked in, their teacher paraded them over to Philippe where each child handed their cross to Alexandra. Each cross represented the prayers the kids, and the church, had prayed to God on behalf of baby Philippe. You could see the emotion washing over her.

Later, Alexandra came forward to receive communion, holding Philippe in her arms. The person administering the bread was John Fugate, an elder in the church and Philippe’s doctor. He placed his hand on Philippe’s head and prayed a blessing over him. I’m not being poetic when I say tears streamed down Alexandra’s face.

Jesus was always quick to defend children. And while he was making a point about faith, these children showed me the true impact the church can have in the world. Alexandra’s reality was changed forever. God reached into her life and touched her in a very profound way through a group of children and a bunch of popsicle stick crosses.

We’re not going to save the world by taking back Washington. We’re not even going to save the world with our beautiful sermons. We will save the world by taking the time to become intimately involved in the lives of those around us; taking the time to hurt as they hurt, laugh as they laugh, and showing them hope in a God who is there, even when it seems like nothingness and pain are the only realities we can comprehend.

When It's Time To Change, You've Got To Rearrange

I am afraid that my time in the magical world of Christian retail has come to an end. I was offered a part-time job at my church, and I made the jump.

This blog will still exist. I’ll still make fun of the Christian culture, but I envision this space growing to encompass more general discussions of faith and culture along with critiques of bumper stickers. This was bound to happen anyway. You can make fun of Joel Osteen’s hair for only so long before you get bored.

I believe this change will be positive. It’s like when Good Morning Miss Bliss became Saved By The Bell. We all cried at the departure of Hayley Mills as the lovably kooky Miss Bliss. But in return, we were given Tiffani-Amber Thiessen as Kelly Kapowski. If that’s not divine providence, I don’t know what is.

Live Strong

A woman recently asked me if we had any “Christian knock-offs” of the Lance Armstrong Live Strong bracelets. When I informed her we did not, she said, “That’s funny, we [Christians] usually have some cheap knock-off on the streets in a matter of weeks. I wonder what’s taking so long?”

This woman was at once my most refreshing customer and my most perplexing. Here was a person unafraid to admit the tendency for “Christian knock-offs.” Finally, an honest person was in my store.

What was perplexing was how this lack of creativity seemed to affect her. While she readily admitted most of the “Jesus Junk” was nothing more than a cheap knock-off, she was more than willing to buy it.

Is this my worst fear? Is this a sign that American Christianity has become content to exist as a mere imitation of popular culture?

I suppose you could easily make that argument based on some of the music, books and merchandise we sell. The majority of our church services create some diluted version of pop culture offerings in the name of being “seeker sensitive.” Why must we be content to exist as a cheaper, less creative version of the rest of the world? Why can’t Christians push the cultural landscape?

This sounds very similar to the discussion taking place in the comments section of my “Jay Jay” post. Some theorized that retail is a method by which we express our identity. Therefore, if some Christians are comfortable expressing themselves as cheap knock-offs of pop culture, they should have every right to do so.

The people who argued this point missed the larger question. This is not about retail existing as a means of expressing one’s identity. This is not even about retail. This is about the church becoming comfortable as an institution catering to the complacency of its congregation. Christianity should not exist solely as a place for people looking for spiritual comfort. Christianity should exist as a tool of social and cultural change.

The church is not meant to be a reflection of culture with a God twist. The church is meant to be a reflection of God in a world drowning in sin. We don’t offer that anymore. We sold the high ground in the name of “evangelism,” and it will kill us yet.

Don't Eat the Vegetables

One Yuletide constant in the bookstore is the overabundance of nativity sets. We literally have them piled up in the front of store. We are out of shelf space. Who knew there were so many takes on the Holy Family sitting in a barn?

Into this fray enters the VeggieTales Nativity Play Set.

I should mention how much I love VeggieTales. I find their videos to be funny, intelligent and great for parents and kids alike. For that, I can look past the unsettling nature of talking vegetables.

Just an aside: What do the VeggieTales characters eat? They can’t be vegetarians. That would make them cannibals. For once the vegetarians would be the cruel ones. I’m guessing its some sort of bread-based high carb diet.

Anyway, despite my love for VeggieTales, I do have to wonder if they’ve gone too far depicting baby Jesus as a baby carrot. I usually dip baby carrots in ranch dressing. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of baby Jesus smothered in salad dressing or any other condiment for that matter. It just doesn’t seem orthodox.

Surely, nativity sets are supposed to inspire contemplative thoughts of the lowly conditions surrounding the birth of Christ. The only thing the VeggieTales Nativity Play Set makes me think is, “Boy, a salad sure does sound good right about now.”

Melting My Faith

Nothing says “Christmas cheer” quite like stuffed snowmen. Though not usually considered to be religious in nature, we still have a large number to choose from. My favorite is the one with “Jesus Warms My Heart” tattooed on its bell. Apparently, this qualifies as religious content and thus guarantees a spot in a Christian bookstore.

“Jesus Warms My Heart.” Stop to think about that from the perspective of a snowman. If Jesus truly warms your heart, then any decision of faith turns into a matter of life or death. The warming of a snowman’s heart brings about his inevitable melting. Accepting Jesus will kill him. This is worse than Frosty the Snowman having to go into the greenhouse.

So, if he accepts eternal salvation, he looses his life. If he rejects eternal salvation, he keeps his life but spends eternity rotting in hell. Talk about an existential dilemma. Screw the martyrs in China, this is the ultimate youth group sermon illustration about the “hard life of following Christ.”

In a moment of honesty, would any of us actually say we would accept Christ if it required melting? I probably wouldn’t, but I hate getting my socks wet.

It’s a humbling experience to realize a snowman has greater faith than you do. Damn you, Cuddly Plush Snowman!

California Here We Come

I was recently struck by the abundance of books declaring “The Gospel According to…” Apparently, the gospel has been told by Peanuts, The Simpsons, Disney, Tolkien, Dr. Seuss, Harry Potter, and Tony Soprano, to name a few.

I believe television, film, books, comics, etc. are all high forms of art. I appreciate any attempt to discuss possible themes and/or artistic visions of the creator(s). Somehow I don’t believe that explains this glut of “Gospel According To…” books. Call me a cynic, but I suspect it has more to do with the Christian desire to claim everything for us so we don’t have to feel guilty watching this.

How many people were initially scared to tell their church friends they were fans of The Simpsons, The Sopranos, Sex and the City, or NPR? We are always afraid of being judged as worldly sinners whose minds were being brainwashed by the liberal media intent on stealing our money and killing our children. If we can pull out a book declaring the Simpsons are a Christian family because they pray, then we’re in the clear. No hell for me, baby.

With that in mind, I want someone to write a book called, The Gospel According to the O.C. I know it’s a trashy show that doesn’t even approach the label of art, but it’s so damn addictive. It’s my new guilty pleasure. I’ve even come up with an outline for all you writers out there. I just ask for a cut of the profits.

Chapter 1: The Cultural Church as Represented in Orange County
The characters on the O.C. are a bunch of narcissistic, spoiled rich kids from the suburbs. Sounds like a mega church to me.

Chapter 2: Ryan Atwood and Spiritual Adoption
No matter how screwed up we are, God still invites us into his dysfunctional church family just like the Cohen’s invited troubled youth, Ryan, to join their dysfunctional suburban paradise.

Chapter 3: Seek and You Shall Find – The Give and Take of Our Relationship With God as Represented by the Relationship of Seth and Summer
Seth wants Summer, but he doesn’t know how to get her. He reaches out to her, and she comes. Everyone else in the world knows that Seth will never be loved like he is by Summer. Despite this, he continues to push her away. In the same way, no one will ever love us like God loves us. Despite this, we still constantly push Him away.

Chapter 4: Sandy Cohen – God Does Not Forsake Us
His father-in-law’s a drunken thief; his wife never appreciates him; his kids get in fights with the water polo team; and they all come to Sandy when they need help. In the same way, we often ignore God until our troubles are beyond our control. At this point we reach out to God, who never lets us down.

Chapter 5: Marissa Cooper – Spiritual Warfare or Mental Illness?
She throws furniture in swimming pools, drinks like an unemployed Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day, sleeps with the yard guy, and spends time in a mental hospital. The church has spent years inappropriately labeling mental illness as spiritual warfare. Why stop now?

Chapter 6: Luke Ward – Sin Has Consequences
He slept with his ex-girlfriend’s mother. I hope it was fun while it lasted, because he nearly died in a car accident. In the same way, promiscuous sex and rampant drug use may be fun in youth group, but eventually, God will punish you in a fit of melodramatic rage.

The rest of the book can fill itself in. Someone should really consider writing this thing. I would volunteer, but I’m too busy on my new project: The Spiritual Journey of Clay Aiken.